I threw up into my coffee this morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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