I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
