Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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