Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
