I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
