I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found the puke drawer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
