Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
