the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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