Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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