we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
