Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
