I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
