I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
