I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
