I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
