Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
