His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
