I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
