wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
