These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
