his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
