First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
