He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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