I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
