Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
