Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
