I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
