Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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