This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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