Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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