she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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