No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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