some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
