Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
