I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
