you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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