i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
