the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
