well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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