Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
