I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
