that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize