My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
