he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize