so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
