I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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