You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
