believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize