ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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