when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
