did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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