i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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