You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
