she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
