We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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