Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just puked most of my soul out..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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