Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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