You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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