Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize