Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
