someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so let's talk penis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
