It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
