I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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