The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
