The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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