No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
