Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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