Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
