you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
