her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
