The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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