Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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