So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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