if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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