it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
