just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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