Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
