i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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